


Tears for Fears

by HeyGoodLookin



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Bonding, Drama, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Hurt, Wow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24266992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeyGoodLookin/pseuds/HeyGoodLookin
Summary: JJ wants a family. JJ keeps messing up. He just wants to make something right. Maybe tonight he can. Maybe he finally found himself something he can fix.Aka. JJ has a rough time with his ol' man and stumbles on a runaway.
Relationships: JJ (Outer Banks)/Original Female Character(s), Sarah Cameron/John B. Routledge
Comments: 1
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Haven't written anything for a fandom this quickly before.   
> Literally no idea if this is any good or if it's worth continuing.   
> Please let me know your thoughts and such!  
> Hope y'all are keeping safe and healthy during these crazy times!!   
> xoxo

Sometimes JJ wondered why he liked the feeling of having the gun in his hand. Sometimes he wondered why he was quick to fight— quick to defend— and quick to make light of situations. Especially when the situations were his own. He was sixteen and frankly, he felt more like an adult than a kid. He’d grown up quickly, much like the rest of his friends. Pogues were forced to grow up faster than most other kids. They saw things and understood things that kids shouldn’t be exposed to. You don’t get beaten within an inch of your life every other day and not realize that life’s not fair. Usually you figure that out when you’re fourteen or fifteen, but Pogues figured that out in grade school already. JJ knew life wasn’t fare when he was eight and he realized his parents weren’t perfect far before then.

Maybe that was why he liked the power of holding the gun? Maybe it was one of the only things he had control over. Whatever the reason, he felt oddly at ease with returning home that night. Pope was working late with his dad and Kiara had a family function. JJ was being a stand up guy and told John B to keep his place for himself for the night. He was getting closer with Sarah and Lord knows, JJ didn’t want to crash their party and be a third wheel. John B had been through a lot. He deserved his place to himself for a night; if nothing else, to make out with his girlfriend.

The group was splintering slightly; a fact that made JJ feel a bit uneasy, but he knew they’d come back together eventually. Petty bullshit was party of growing up wasn’t it? Sarah and Kiara would just have to learn to co-exist.

So maybe it was the gun in his pack. Maybe it was the hit of weed. Or maybe, just maybe, it was a renewed sense of bravery. He was sixteen. He didn’t need to be afraid of his dad anymore. He wasn’t a kid. Plus he had a gun. If worse came to worse…

JJ shook himself. No. As temping as the thought was, he was still his dad.

He walked up to the porch and ran a hand through his hair. His dad was mindlessly working on some engine and drinking vodka straight from the bottle. It was 4pm so yeah, it was liquid supper. JJ waited a beat for his father to look up and take notice of him.

“Nice of you to show up, kid,” Luke muttered.

“Hey dad,” said JJ. “You eat anything yet?”

“What do you think?”

“Want me to try and whip us something up?” JJ asked slowly. Maybe he was crazy, but he was optimistic that maybe if he fed his dad something he wouldn’t be quite as wasted. Something to absorb the alcohol, he thought.

“Shoot, sure.”

“What?” JJ raised an eyebrow.

“You hear me.”

“Right,” JJ swallowed his shock and walked into the kitchen. Supper with his dad. Maybe today wouldn’t be terrible after all. Maybe he could try and stitch the family back together.

JJ looked around the kitchen. It was a disaster zone of pizza boxes and empty liquor bottles. Probably hundreds of dollars in booze that had maybe lasted a week, if that. Part of JJ wanted to be angry already, but he swallowed thickly again. No, he wouldn’t let his anger get the better of him. Sure, his dad was drunk, but maybe if he actually didn’t mess up, he could have supper with him.

Not messing up lasted all of ten minutes. Pasta seemed like an okay idea, until he drained the pasta back into the hot pot only to have to burn to the bottom. JJ cursed under his breath as the burning smell traveled around the kitchen.

“The hell is that?” Luke’s voice came from the porch.

“Nothin’!” JJ hollered back. “Just…dealing with something. It’s all good!”

“Sure it is,” said Luke. He leaned against the door frame and assessed the situation. Burned pot, burned pasta, JJ flapping in every direction as smoke followed him from the pot he was carrying.

“It’s nothin’, dad. I’ll fix it up, no sweat. All I gotta do is—“

“Do you have any idea how much food costs, boy?” Luke cut the boy off by throwing the pot out of his grasp. “We’re _this close_ to living off of food stamps and you make like this kitchen is your play ground. Cooking up God knows what thinking you’re Gordon fucking Ramsay.”

“I was just making some pasta. I didn’t think—“

“Yeah, you never think, do ya?” Luke corned JJ against the stove. “You left the heat on, idiot.”

JJ gulped, looking for an exist, but due to the vast array of clutter and Luke’s odd clarity of the situation, he couldn’t find one. He had to fight his way out. JJ’s pack was clear across the room. The gun wouldn’t help him now. He made to lift his hand to push his father back, but Luke was surprisingly quick. He grabbed JJ’s hand and landed a swift punch to his ribs. As soon as JJ slumped forward slightly, Luke pushed him back and flipped him so he faced the stove. Panic coursed through JJ’s body. And a true fear. Sure, he was jumpy and afraid of his dad, but even the beating has become bearable as he became used to them.

“Dad…” JJ tried to worm his was out of his father’s grasp but it was absolutely no use. The man was taller and stronger than him, even intoxicated.

“You shouldn’t leave the stove on when there’s nothing on it,” Luke sneered. The coils on the front element burned red hot from the boiling water.

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK._ JJ swore internally. He wouldn’t, would he? Luke was cruel, but surly even he had to the draw the line somewhere.

“Dad, I’m sorry. I won’t—“

“You’re a useless piece of shit, you know that? Useless,” Luke inched JJ’s arm closer to the coils. “Piece…” JJ could feel the heat radiating from the element. “Of…” He tried to kick back at his father, but merely grazed his shin. “Shit.”

The feeling was unlike any pain JJ had every felt. It felt like fifty thousand needles piercing his skin at once. It went along the side of his hand and up his wrist and it took everything in JJ not to cry right then and there. But even through the searing pain, he wouldn’t give Luke the satisfaction.

“Fuck!” JJ cried, fighting against his dad’s hold. Luke took JJ’s hand from the element and laughed out loud.

“Chicken shit,” he smirked. “That’s why you turn the stove off if you’re not using it. You can get hurt.” Luke released JJ’s hand and gave him to swift punches and a kick to the ribs. _Perfect,_ JJ thought, _a matching set._ “Get the fuck out of my house and don’t you fucking dare come back until you have something to show for yourself.”

JJ blinked back tears. He’d tried so hard. If he hadn’t burned the God damn pasta, he may have actually had supper with the guy. “I don’t know why I ever bother coming back.”

“Hell if I know,” said Luke. He made to punch JJ again and he flinched back. “Chicken shit. Get out of my sight.”

JJ grabbed his pack and tore out of the house as fast as he could. He didn’t stop running until he reached the shore. It was at that point that he assessed the damage. At least one cracked rib, that much was for certain, and at least a 2nd degree burn going up his hand and wrist. He was shaking. Partly out of shock and partly still out of fear.

He tried to take calming breaths like John B had taught him but nothing seemed to be working. Every wave that came crashing along the shore made him flinch. He closed his eyes for a second, collecting himself, before looking around at the familiar scene. Only there was something different. Something had changed. He looked around and noticed a tarp hanging across some driftwood and sighed. Squatters, he figured. But judging by the condition, he didn’t think the makeshift tent was inhabited. He needed a place to stay for the night and he refused to crash John B’s party. Kiara and Pope were his friends, but there were still some thing he didn’t want them to know. Things he only told his best friend since grade school.

JJ walked up to the tarp covering carefully and pulled back the front flap.

“Shit,” he jumped back. It was inhabited. Somebody was balled up in an old sleeping bag.

“Fuck off!” A voice came from inside the shelter.

“Hey—uh— I’m sorry, okay?” JJ backed off a few steps.

“Go find someone else to bother.”

“I was just…” JJ’s voice trailed off, which was an odd thing for him. He always had something to say. But there was something about the voice… there was a quality he recognized, but couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“Do me a solid and fuck off.”

JJ hesitated. Fear: that’s what he heard in the voice. Fear masked with bravery. He knew it all too well. He reached for the tarp and slowly pulled it back. A girl sat balled up in an old sleeping bag. She had short dyed black hair that had since grown out slightly, and safety pins for earrings. Pop punk in another life, for sure.

“You shouldn’t be staying out here alone,” said JJ.

“You’re out here alone,” the girl responded swiftly.

“Yeah, but I know this place like the back of my hand. I’ve never seen you around.”

“What’s it to ya?”

“Nothin’,” said JJ. “I just don’t like the idea of a run-away girl spending the night by herself where a Kook can come across you.”

“I can take care of myself, thanks,” the girl glared up at him. She had green eyes.

“I’m sure you can,” JJ couldn’t help but grin. The girl was ballsy.

“So why don’t you do me a favour and fuck off?”

“Cause you’re gonna get jumped if you stay here alone. Look, you don’t have to talk to me. You don’t even have to look at me. Just let me take you somewhere safe for the night and you can go along your way tomorrow.”

“That’s awful nice of you, but I’ll pass,” said the girl.

“You’re being an idiot.”

“Gee, thanks.”

JJ rolled his eyes. “Look, just trust me, okay?”

The girl looked up at him and fear returned to her eyes. _Trust._ That was the problem. She didn’t trust him. And with good reason. She hardly knew him at all. He could be an axe murder for all she knew. JJ looked down at her and tried to get a better look at her. He took note of the faded bruises on her face and the slight bruising around her neck. Yeah, she was a Pogue for sure. Maybe not from these parts, but she was one of them. Neglected, abused, alone, scared.

“Look…” JJ bent down to her level. “I know you’re scared. Don’t—“ he lifted up a hand to silence her retort. “Don’t even try to deny it. But guess what? I’m scared too. Check it out…” he held out his hand to her. “We kinda match.”

The girl stared at his wound for a moment. “That’s at least a 2nd degree burn,” she said quietly.

“I dunno,” JJ pulled back again. It hurt like hell, but he wasn’t about to let her know it. The girl looked exhausted beyond comprehension. She didn’t need his sad story. He just wanted to earn her trust, however momentarily, so he could get her to safety.

“So what, you know how to sneak into a motel or somethin’?”

“Sure I do,” JJ grinned. “But this place is a thousand times better. It’s my best friends’.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Sure,” the girl shrugged. “Don’t think you’re gonna assault me or anything. It’s not like I’m a prize.”

JJ chuckled under his breath. Self deprecating humour; yeah, he knew that well. “Don’t sell yourself short,” he smirked. “I bet you clean up real good.”

“You’re funny.”

“I try,” said JJ. “Here, let me.” He made to grab the girls’ bag, but she snatched it and the tarp from him.

“I got it,” she hissed.

“Sorry.”

“So where is this palace?” The girl stuffed the balled up tarp under her arm and swung her backpack over her shoulder.

“Just a few minutes this way. You good to walk?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m JJ, by the way,” JJ looked at the girl as they walked. She was trying to cover up a limp.

“Vanessa,” the girl said slowly.

“Nice name,” said JJ.

“Thanks,” said Vanessa. JJ seemed to sense that she didn’t want to talk anymore and simply let her follow him to the chateau. He’d apologize to John B the next day. He knocked on the door and waited a beat before knocking again. John B appeared, thankfully alone, and opened the door.

“JJ,” John B looked his friend up and down. “You okay?”

“Fine,” said JJ. “This is Vanessa.” The girl looked down at her feet. “She needs a place to crash for the night.”

John B looked down at the girl and his gaze softened. She was shivering.

“Sure, of course, buddy,” he stepped to the side so JJ could lean Vanessa inside.

“Thanks, man.”

“No problem,” John B looked at Vanessa again. “You need anything? Hungry? Thirsty?” “I’m fine,” Vanessa mumbled.

“I’ll make you a sandwich a get you some water.”

“Ya got beer?” Vanessa looked up slowly.

“Oh yeah,” JJ smiled. “You’re my kinda woman.”

“Thanks,” Vanessa rolled her eyes as she tried to hide her own small smile.

John B went with JJ into the kitchen as Vanessa sat down on the couch.

“Where’d you find her?” John B reached across JJ for the bread.

“Down by the bend,” said JJ. “She’s half frozen and scared to death.”

“And what about you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you. I’ll get some salve and gauze for your hand,” John B put the sandwich on a plate and headed for the bathroom.

“It’s nothing, man,” said JJ.

John B came back with a first aid kit. He waited for JJ to put his hand out before he touched it. John B had learned to follow JJ’s cues. He was always skittish after a beating.

“He’s never burned you before.”

“I burned the pasta,” said JJ bitterly.

John B stiffened slightly. “It’s not your fault.”

“Sure it isn’t.”

“Really,” the friends locked eyes. “I’ll keep saying it until you believe it. You don’t deserve what you get, JJ.”

“Okay,” JJ couldn’t help but hiss as John B applied the salve and gauze.

“I know you came here because of the girl, but I want you to know that you can come here anytime anyway.”

“I’m not gonna cramp you and Sarah’s style and be a cock block.”

“You’re not,” John B took the plate as JJ grabbed two beers. “You’re my best friend.”

JJ nodded at this and smiled. When the turned to the couch they found Vanessa half collapsed and lying on her side, fast asleep.

“She’s exhausted,” said JJ.

“So are you,” said John B. “You take my room and I’ll sit up and let you know when she wakes up, okay?”

“Oh dude, you don’t—“

“JJ,” John B cut his friend off. “Just take my God damn bed and sleep, okay? I have a feeling this girl’s gonna bring a whole heap of adventure tomorrow.”


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda filler, but let me know what ya think!   
> Stay safe and happy y'all :)

JJ slept like the dead, which was kind of funny in a way, because he felt like a zombie. His body ached and his nerves were fried from the night before.

He blinked. John B stood beside the bed.

“Hey man,” John B kept his voice low.

“Time is it?” JJ slurred.

“It’s still early.”

JJ glanced out the window at the sunrise. It couldn’t have been past 6am. “Okay,” he mumbled.

“Vanessa’s waking up. I just thought I’d let you know.”

“Shit,” JJ tried to sit up too fast and groaned.

“Easy, buddy…easy…” John B put a hand on JJ’s back to support him. “You good?”

“Good,” said JJ, gritting his teeth.

John B watched as his best friend exited his bed with a clenched jaw. He never wanted help from anybody. It was an unspoken rule. John B knew better than to challenge JJ.

“Advil,” John B handed his best friend two pills, which he swallowed dry.

“Thanks man,” said JJ. “I’m gonna go check on Vanessa.”

“Okay.”

“She’s alright, you know. I think we can trust her. She’s one of us.”

“I know,” John B nodded.

JJ took that as his cue to leave the room. John B stayed behind, busying himself with cleaning up some of the rubble outside the beach house.

JJ approached Vanessa cautiously. Slow movements were always best; he knew that from experience. Vanessa groaned slightly and shifted on the couch. JJ waited for her to see him before he spoke.

“Hey,” he said quietly.

“Hi,” Vanessa looked away. “I’ll get outta your hair real soon.”

“Dude!” JJ exclaimed. “It’s cool. Don’t worry about it. Besides, you still got a sandwich and beer with your name on it.”

Vanessa blinked. “Oh.”

“You should work on your hospitality.”

“I ain’t polite,” Vanessa dragged out her words so her southern accent came through.

JJ grinned. “Neither am I.”

Vanessa sat up and swung her legs around, tipping over her pack in the process. “Shit,” she made to pick up the mess.

JJ dove down and helped retrieve some of the items that had scattered. A map, some weed, a sketch pad, a couple pencils, and a book.

“You like to read?” He handed the book back to her.

“Yeah,” said Vanessa. “That’s my favourite though.”

“The Outsiders,” JJ scratched the back of his head. “Never heard of it.”

“Didn’t you read it in the eighth grade?”

“Shit, I don’t remember anything from the eighth grade. I didn’t read anything.”

“Oh,” Vanessa looked down at her book. “To be fair, I only have this copy because I didn’t give it back to the school. Strictly speaking, I’m still borrowing it.”

“That’s a good one,” JJ laughed.

“You should read it,” said Vanessa.

JJ flopped down on the couch next to her, but made sure to keep his distance. “Like I said, I don’t read.”

“Well you should read this. You’d like it.”

“Would I?” JJ cocked an eyebrow.

“Yeah,” said Vanessa. “You remind me of one of the characters.”

“Don’t give it away,” JJ joked as Vanessa handed the book back to him. “You can stay as long as you need, you know.”

“I’m not a charity case,” said Vanessa.

“I know that,” said JJ. “Look, we’re all family here. John B… he just went through hell and back and Pope and Kie bum around with us all the time.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?” JJ got up get Vanessa’s sandwich and beer from the fridge.

Vanessa followed him. “I mean, do you bum around here too?”

“I basically live here,” JJ smiled. “I mean, the surfs killer and the dock’s right around the corner.”

“Y’all don’t got parents poking around?”

“Hell no,” JJ grinned. “Kie goes back home and Pope’s folks are cool, but me n’ John B stick around here. John B’s dad died about a year ago now. His uncle pays for the electricity and stuff and is supposed to come by once in a while. So far he hasn’t showed.”

“Okay,” Vanessa opened her beer and guzzled half the can in one chug.

“Nice!” JJ’s eyes sparkled. “So where you from then?”

Vanessa stared at JJ as he realized his mistake. Jeez, him and his loud mouth. There was an unspoken rule amongst pogues. Don’t ask questions about family because nothing good comes of it.

“Huntington,” Vanessa answered slowly.

“Jesus,” JJ’s eyes widened. “That’s a way to go. I haven’t left Outer Banks before… not really, at least.”

“I ain’t never left West Virginia either, but here I am,” said Vanessa.

“What’s it like?”

“West Virginia?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s real nice,” said Vanessa with a faint smile. “Dirt poor, of course, but the blue ridge mountains are about the nicest thing out there.”

“Nice,” said JJ.

“My area actually used to be called poor valley,” said Vanessa. “Go figure.”

“Sounds like this part of town.”

“Kind of,” Vanessa looked out the window. “I miss the mountains though. They’re kind of a constant, ya know?”

“Like the water,” said JJ. They looked out at the waves coming into the shore.

“It is nice here,” Vanessa said quietly.

“Not bad huh?” JJ smirked.

Vanessa glanced at him. “You’re a cocky son a bitch, you know that?”

“Sure am,” JJ laughed. They were quiet for a moment as the sun fully rose over the horizon.

“JJ…” Vanessa swallowed thickly.

“You don’t have to tell me anything, you know.”

“Thanks,” Vanessa looked down. “Actually, I was gonna ask you a favour.”

“Sure!” Said JJ brightly.

“I was wondering if you’d teach me how to surf…”

JJ beamed from ear to ear. “Oh _man!_ ” He opened a beer of his own. “I’d totally be down.”

“Awesome,” Vanessa smiled a small smiled.

“Kie’ll be over soon and I’ll get her to bring you something to wear.”

“Oh…you really don’t have to—“

“Don’t worry about it!” JJ cried. “Dude, this is gonna be great. You’re gonna love it.”

Vanessa watched as JJ guzzled down his beer and told John B about their plan. As he said, Kie did arrive with a kindly smile and a bag of clothes.

“Don’t worry,” she said gently. “I would have given half this stuff away eventually anyway.”

“Okay,” said Vanessa weakly.

“Seriously,” Kie handed her the bag. “They’re just old bikinis and stuff.”

“Oh…I don’t…”

Kie watched Vanessa fiddle with the hem of her t-shirt for a moment. “Oh!” She realized. “There’s a one piece in there too and you can always borrow a pair of JJ’s trunks. He won’t mind.”

“Thanks,” Vanessa followed Kie into the bathroom and took a pair of green trunks from her along the way.

JJ watched the girls from where he sat drinking another beer on the couch. Kie closed the bathroom door after her and sat down next to JJ.

“How bad is it?” JJ looked down at the floor.

Kie frowned. “Bad,” she said in a low voice.

“Fuck.”

“She let me patch her up a bit, but a lot of it is gonna scar. She’ll be okay, though.”

“Fuck,” JJ said again. He ran his hand through his hair and clenched his jaw. It wasn’t fucking fair. “Do you know what it was?”

“Looks like a belt,” Kie’s voice cracked with emotion. “And she was choked.”

“Yeah, I saw her neck last night,” JJ tried to keep his cool. “I told her I’d teach her how to surf.”

“She should be fine,” Kie said. “Nothing’s gonna open back up again and I’ve bandaged anything that might still be healing.”

“Thanks, Kie.”

“No problem.”

JJ rubbed his hands over his face. “Jesus Christ, when is this bullshit ever gonna end huh?”

Kie looked over at him sympathetically as Vanessa left the bathroom again. She’d showered and put on JJ’s old trunks and Kie’s black one-piece with a baggy t-shirt on top.

“Told ya you’d clean up nice,” JJ smirked up at her.

“You’re real funny,” Vanessa rolled her eyes. “You gonna show me how to surf, or what?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey, it's me with another chapter.   
> So... it case y'all are wondering where this falls in terms of cannon, I'm thinking of this as a potential season 2 side plot.  
> Anyway, let me know you thoughts and all that! Reviews are so welcome and much appreciated :)

Vanessa wasn’t good at surfing, in fact, she was pretty sure she was the worst surfer to ever grace the cut. JJ told her about where they were and who to avoid. Old habits die hard, he said, and Kooks still and will always have the upper hand. Vanessa hadn’t met a kook yet, but she had already assumed nobody could have quite as much fun as the Pogues. She knew as well as JJ and the other did, that just because you’re down and out, doesn’t mean you can’t have a ball.

“You’ll get better,” JJ smirked as they sat down on the beach.

“Oh I’m sure,” Vanessa rolled her eyes. “Surprised you didn’t laugh your ass off at me.”

“Hey,” JJ looked at her. “I may be a cocky son of a bitch, but I’m not an asshole.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

JJ laughed as car tired squealed in the distance. Vanessa flinched and JJ eyed her cautiously. Her body language changed from relaxed and open to wrapping her arms around herself.

“Hey,” JJ lowered his voice. “It’s okay. Probably just some idiots drag racing in souped up cars.”

“Yeah,” Vanessa closed her eyes.

“Do you—“

“I’m fine,” Vanessa cut him off abruptly.

JJ watched as she opened her eyes again slowly. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to go fishing with Kie and Pope. John B’s on a hot date with Sarah, but they’ll probably join us later.”

“I should be going.”

“What?” Vanessa stood up and JJ followed her.

“I told ya, I’d get out of your hair real soon. I don’t want to be a tag along or charity case that y’all feel like you have to look after.”

“You’re not,” said JJ firmly. His usually lighthearted smirk vanished from his face. Vanessa strode towards the chateau, but JJ darted in front of her path with ease. “At least hear me out, okay?” He backed up a few steps so Vanessa wouldn’t feel trapped.

“Fine.”

“Look, I know you probably don’t trust us and you know what? That’s cool. I get that. But think of it this way: us Pogues, we’ve got nothin’. We’re all dirt poor and way low on the pecking order. What would we want with someone like you? You don’t have nothing to offer us.If you were a kook we could maybe swipe some cash off of ya, but you’re not. You’re one of us. Why would we hurt one of our own?”

Vanessa stood her ground, clenching her knuckles as JJ spoke. “It’s not about you guys,” she said, quiet and controlled.

“Okay.”

“I’m not leaving because I’m afraid of you guys.”

“Okay.”

“I’m leaving because y’all have no idea what you’ve just invited into your lives.”

JJ snorted at this. “Oh sweetheart, our lives have been a shit show for the past _year_ so don’t even try that bullshit with me.”

“I’m serious,” said Vanessa.

“So am I,” said JJ. “We’ve all got baggage. Believe me, I’ve got more than my fair share, so don’t play that card with me ‘cause you’ll get nowhere.”

Vanessa stared past JJ, as if willing him to disappear, As if willing it all to disappear. She trusted him, she really did. But she really, _really,_ didn’t want him to trust her. She wanted to cry, but she hadn’t cried in what felt like year. It wasn’t productive to cry. JJ watched her expression harden and he understood how much effort it was taking Vanessa to keep her guard up.

“I’m not nice,” Vanessa finally said plainly, as if that settled the matter.

“Hey, I’m not exactly a saint either, but here we are.”

“I mean it,” Vanessa closed her eyes again briefly before looking at JJ again. “I’m not a nice person.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me. Believe me… I’m not into the whole _emotions and feelings_ bullshit. I’m mean, totally cool if you are but…”

“I’m not.”

“I figured,” JJ grinned. “I can’t see you getting off on talking about feels.”

Vanessa snorted at this. “Yeah, I’d much rather bottle it all up and then box.”

“You into boxing?”

“There was a community gym by my place.”

“Nice,” said JJ. “Look…” he moved aside so Vanessa could walk to the chateau again. “You don’t have to hang out with us. You can just… bum around here or whatever. We’re just gonna have a bonfire later and keep it low key.”

“Cool.”

“Cool,” JJ repeated and followed her into the chateau.

“Do you mind if I stay back?”

“Dude, no problem!” Said JJ.

Vanessa flopped down on the couch again. “Thanks man,” she looked up at him. “You don’t have to stay here with me, you know.”

“I know,” JJ smirked. “You playing hard to get or somethin’?”

“You wish,” said Vanessa. “I’m honestly just tired so…”

“Dude, do whatever you need to do,” JJ opened a cupboard drawer and tossed her a blunt. “Here. This’ll help.”

“I’ve got my own,” Vanessa inspected the blunt.

“I saw,” said JJ. “But this stuff’s actually good.” Vanessa wanted to come back with a witty retort, but JJ smiled and grabbed his pack. “I’ll see ya ‘round, Vanessa.”

“Sure,” Vanessa sank into the couch. “See ya.”

***

It was close to 6pm when Vanessa awoke to the sound of voices outside the chateau. Once she recognized one of the voices as JJ, she relaxed ever so slightly.

“I’m telling ya, we just need to keep our story straight and it’ll all blow over.”

“Sure, JJ, and that really worked before.” Vanessa recognized the voice as Kie.

“It’ll be fine if we—“ John B opened the door and saw Vanessa. “Oh hey, Vanessa.”

“Hey,” she pressed herself further into the couch as two further people she didn’t know entered the chateau.

“I’m Pope,” one of them smiled.

“Hi,” Vanessa shifted awkwardly.

“And I’m— holy shit,” the blonde girl stared down at Vanessa. “John B…”

“What?” John B asked carefully.

“Kitchen. Now.”

“Shit…um,” John B followed Sarah. “One sec.”

“Sure,” Vanessa looked down at the floor. The rest of the group followed Sarah and John B. Only JJ stayed behind. He sat beside Vanessa and glanced over at her stoney expression.

“They’re cool.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Really. I’ve known John B since grade school and I trust him with my life,” JJ explained.

Vanessa nodded at this, but placed a finger to her lips once she could make out what was being said in the kitchen.

“I’m telling you, it’s her,” Sarah’s voice was the strongest.

“You sure?” Kie seemed quieter and more sceptical.

“Positive. I saw them putting up posters yesterday. They’re gonna be all over the place by tomorrow.”

“Jesus,” John B’s voice was soft in comparison to Sarah.

“Maybe she’s alright…”

“Or maybe she’s wanted for murder because she did it!”

“Shh! Jesus, Sarah, do you seriously think…” Pope shushed the group.

Perhaps realizing their lack of secrecy, the group lowered their voices to the point that Vanessa and JJ couldn’t make anything out anymore. They heard enough though.

JJ felt Vanessa stiffen beside him and swallowed.

“You’re okay,” he said softly.

“Stop it.”

“What?”

“Being so God damn nice,” Vanessa shook as she spoke.

“Hey,” JJ turned to face her. “Can you just answer me one question?”

“Okay…” Vanessa nodded her head weakly.

“Was it self defence?”

Vanessa stared straight ahead as JJ studied her. “Yeah,” she took in a shaky breath. “It was.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we're gonna get a few teasers into Vanessa's backstory. Sorry this is kinda slow moving right now, but the drama will pick up soon! Let me know what y'all think :)

Usually JJ’s all wild and reckless abandon; running around like a hurricane of boyish energy. Usually he’s all ADHD and devil may care attitude. But this was different. This was truly frightening because Vanessa was, despite her best efforts at camouflaging her emotions, traumatized. JJ had seen his fare share of that, after the summer they’d had, but he’d had his friends with him. This girl was alone. 

JJ sat beside Vanessa and was completely frozen. Part of him wanted to keep prying for information, but the other part of him just had to take one look at the girl to know that he wouldn’t get anything from her. Just like nobody would get anything from him about his dad. He understand Vanessa: outwardly the strong, silent type. Trying to keep people at arms length under the guise of not being a nice person. In a lot of ways, JJ was the opposite. He wanted to laugh and make life a joke. He doubted Vanessa had laughed much at all in her life. The thought made him vocal again.

“Man, and I thought I had a fucked up summer,” JJ tried to chuckle. Vanessa just kept staring straight ahead. “Right,” he muttered. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Vanessa said evenly.

“You know you’re not going anywhere, right?”

“You can’t keep me here,” Vanessa blinked rapidly. “I need to keep moving.”

“What, so the cops can catch up with you and take you away for sure?”

“They’re bound to find me anyway.”

“You don’t know that. Cops can be pretty fucking stupid,” said JJ.

“And then I can just plead self defence, I guess,” Vanessa went on like JJ hadn’t spoken. “They won’t believe me, but…”

“Hold up, hold up, hold up!” JJ got up from the couch to face her. “You’re not leaving and you’re not turning yourself in, okay? You’re gonna stay right here until we figure out a plan.”

“No.”

“Yeah.”

“No.”

“I can do this all day,” JJ smirked.

“So can I,” said Vanessa. She still refused to make eye contact. She knew if she locked eyes with JJ, she’d loose her composure and listen to him.

“Look, don’t fight me on this one tough stuff. You’re staying here. With me.”

“Are you fucking deaf? I’m not—“

“Yeah, you are,” John B came around the corner. “Sorry, but I’m with JJ on this one.”

“Jesus Christ,” Vanessa stood up and grabbed hold of her backpack.

“Not happening,” Kie joined in, Sarah and Pope trailing in behind her apprehensively. 

Vanessa looked from one group member to the next and held her backpack with white knuckles.

“Y’all are fucking crazy,” she glared at JJ.

“I’ve been called worse,” he replied swiftly.

“I’m going.”

“No you’re not,” Kie said firmly.

“It’s our place,” said John B. “And chateau rules dictate you’re staying.”

“Chateau rules?” Vanessa raised an eyebrow.

“We all agreed that you’re safer here that going back out there,” said Sarah.

Vanessa flopped back down on the couch. “Y’all have no idea what you just signed up for.”

“Oh, actually I think we got a pretty good idea,” said JJ. “Like I said, we’ve had one hell of a summer.”

“Plus another girl in our crew means we’re even split. Three girls, 3 guys,” said Pope.

“That doesn’t matter,” said Vanessa.

“She’s right, that doesn’t matter,” JJ grinned back at Pope. “But the rule still applies. You’re staying.”

“And we’ll come up with a plan,” said John B.

Vanessa found herself nodding. “Fine,” she murmured.

“Ehhhh!” JJ whooped. “That calls for a beer.”

Kie made her way to Vanessa as the group went out to tend to the bonfire and JJ got beers from the fridge.

“You okay?” Kie looked down Vanessa. Her gaze was so gentle, Vanessa couldn’t bring herself to be snide.

“I guess so,” she said quietly.

“I know, that’s kind of a loaded question, huh? Obviously you’re not okay, but…”

“I get it,” Vanessa tried to smile up at Kie. It probably came across as forced, but it was better than nothing.

“I’ll believe you, by the way. Whatever happened. I’ll believe you.”

Vanessa digested her words carefully. Kie was an open book, she realized. She wasn’t going to hurt her. “It was self defence,” Vanessa said slowly.

“Who was it?” Kie asked carefully. “You don’t have to answer me. You’re probably dealing with a lot a trauma right now and need some times to process everything.”

Vanessa didn’t know what to say back. Nobody had ever put her feelings into consideration before. Nobody had even told her that what she’d gone through was wrong. Nobody ever believed her.

“It was my ol’ man’s buddy,” Vanessa finally said. JJ almost dropped the beers he was holding. He stopped just shy of being seen by the girls. He knew it was a conversation between Vanessa and Kie and that he needed to stay back, but he also couldn’t stop himself from listening.

“Fucking hell,” Kie cursed.

“My ol’ would bring some buddies ‘round and some of ‘em got a bit… rough… and one night I just kinda lost it. Shot him dead.”

“Oh Vanessa,” Kie felt close to tears herself. “I’m so sorry.”

Vanessa took one look at Kie’s sympathetic expression and snapped. “I don’t need sympathy,” she said sharply.

“I’m just sorry,” Kie tried.

“I don’t need it, okay? I’m thankful y’all are here, but I don’t need you all getting mopey and weird around me.”

“Okay,” Kie nodded. “I’ll just… let you be. I’ll be out back by the bon fire if you want to join.”

“I’m good, thanks,” Vanessa put her face in her hands as Kie left.

JJ took that as his cue to come in with the beer. “Hey,” he sat down next to her.

“I guess you heard all that huh?”

“I…” JJ put the beers down.

“Don’t bullshit me, JJ. You heard every God damn word of that.”

JJ looked down at the floor. “Yeah.”

Vanessa took in a quivering breath and rubbed her face with her hands. She was trying not to cry. JJ knew all the signs.

“I told you, I’m not nice,” Vanessa said, her voice muffled from her hands covering her face.

“Dude, I get it,” said JJ. He opened her beer for her and handed it to her. “I hate it when people get all emotional and sympathetic towards me too. Kie’s just like that, though. She’ll give five therapy sessions a day no sweat. I’m no good at that stuff either. Whenever somebody looks at me funny after I’ve had a run in with my dad, I feel like shaking some sense into them.”

“You just want things to be normal.”

“Exactly,” said JJ as Vanessa took her hands away from her face. She hadn’t cried, but her eyes were red from trying not to.

They were silent for a moment.

“My ol’ man’s a cop,” Vanessa whispered between swigs of beer. A part of he hoped JJ hadn’t heard her.

“Of course he is,” JJ’s jaw clenched.

“Nobody ever believed me when I tried… explaining things. My dad would call me a liar and everyone would believe him.”

“Son of a bitch,” JJ ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck cops, man.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” said Vanessa.

JJ knew there was way more to Vanessa’s story, but he didn’t want to upset her. Upsetting her would just make her leave.

“Want me to deal with him for ya?” JJ took his gun out from under the couch and smiled.

“That’s a nice piece,” said Vanessa casually.

“You can shoot?”

“You don’t come from West Virginia and not know how to handle a gun,” Vanessa smirked.

“That’s…hot,” JJ grinned, though he was beyond impressed. 

“Awesome,” Vanessa rolled her eyes.

“Hey, Vanessa?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not half bad, you know that?” JJ clinked his bottle with her own.

Vanessa allowed a ghost of a smile to play on her lips. “You’re still way too cocky, but you’re not half bad either.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DRAMA.   
> Lots o' drama in this part, folks.   
> Let me know your thoughts! :)

5.

JJ didn’t go out to the bon fire and neither did Vanessa. Usually, JJ thrived on a good party, even if it was just the core group, but that night his priorities shifted. He found himself falling asleep next to a girl he’d only just met, and he didn’t mind it one bit. He didn’t hunt any action or flirt with Vanessa in any way (though he was tempted) because he felt more comfortable just existing with her.

He woke up before her, oddly enough. They were facing each other and JJ couldn’t help but notice just how many faded bruises adorned Vanessa’s face, neck and exposed collar bone. He felt a twinge of sympathy, and then a good amount of guilt, as he found himself gazing at the sleeping girl. He knew he had no business looking at Vanessa in that way. Besides, he’d only just met her. (Not that that had ever stopped him before.) But he couldn’t help but take her in. She looked so different when she wasn’t trying to be tough. Her facial muscles relaxed slightly and it gave her a softer profile. There was something different about her. Most girls cared about what they looked like and posed and acted a certain way. Vanessa wasn’t like that. The fact that she didn’t sit with her legs crossed or wear short shorts and bikinis, didn’t both JJ. John B would joke and say that he likes any girl with a pulse, but it wasn’t because of that. It was like JJ couldn’t his eyes off her _because_ she was different from any other girl he’d met.

Vanessa shifted, prompting JJ to shake himself out of his daze. No Pogue on Pogue macking. And Vanessa definitely was a pogue.

At first, Vanessa blinked and froze. JJ could tell her first instinct was to be scared. She had to remember where she was first, before she could relax.

“Hey…” JJ propped himself up on his elbow. “You’re fine.”

“C—cops,” Vanessa managed, between shallow breaths. She was panicking.

“No cops,” JJ whispered. “Nobody’s here but us.”

“No cops?”

“No cops,” JJ repeated again.

“Shit,” Vanessa tried to regulate her breathing as she closed her eyes again.

JJ watched her body relax. “You want some breakfast? We’ve usually got some cereal around here, guaranteed stale, and maybe some leftover pizza delivery from last night.”

Vanessa didn’t respond. She simply nodded and kept her eyes closed.

“Vanessa?” JJ lowered his voice.

“I’m good,” she opened her eyes again suddenly. “I’m fine. Just—uh— what did ya say?”

“Breakfast.”

“Oh…uh… yeah, sure. Whatever. I don’t care,” Vanessa pulled the blankets back and made her way to the floor.

“What are you…” JJ watched as Vanessa proceeded to do pushups.

“Five reps of twenty every morning,” Vanessa panted between pushups.

“Jesus.”

“You should… try it some time.”

“I’m good, thanks,” JJ smirked down at her. “But you go for it.”

“Have it your way.”

JJ got up from the pull out and stretched. “You want cereal?”

“Sure,” Vanessa rested between reps.

“Cool. I’m just gonna—“

“What the fuck was that?” Vanessa stood up quickly.

“What was what?” JJ looked around the room.

“Someone’s here,” said Vanessa.

JJ went to peer out the front window. “You stay put,” he turned to her before looking between the blinds. “We’ve got company.”

“Shit…” Vanessa felt her whole body shake.

“Go out the back.”

“What?”

“We gotta make a run for it,” JJ grabbed his backpack.

“I’m not going with you! I’m going alone!” Vanessa looked around the room in a panic.

JJ stuffed some weed into his backpack and closed it. They could hear footsteps approaching.

“Honestly, Vicki, we don’t have time for this bullshit right now. We need to move!”

“My backpack! Where the fuck is my backpack?” Vanessa shouted frantically.

“I put it in the spare room!” JJ shouted back.

“Jesus Christ, JJ!”

“Dude, I’m sorry! I thought it would be safer in there!”

Vanessa wanted to yell something rude back, but a car door slamming shut stopped her. She ran into the spare room and grabbed her pack off the bed. Every hair on her body stood on end.

“Vanessa,” JJ grabbed hold of her arm. “We can make a dash for it out the back. I’ve got my bike there.”

Vanessa tried not to flinch at the contact. “Okay,” She panted.

“We’ll be okay.”

“Yeah.”

Someone tried opening the door.

“Shit,” JJ pulled at Vanessa’s arm and lead them out of the back of the chateau.

“Do you have the gun?” Vanessa slung on her backpack and got onto the bike behind JJ.

“Fuck yeah,” JJ checked over his shoulder and flashed her a reassuring smile. “Hold on.” He took off at lightening speed with Vanessa pressing herself into his back. She wasn’t crying, but he could feel her shuddering breaths against his body.

“Where are we going?” Vanessa said against his back.

“I need to stop at my ol’ man’s place. I gave him some cash yesterday for the bills and there’s a good chance he’s still got some of it lying around.”

“JJ…”

“It’s fine,” JJ’s jaw was set as he weaved through the bush.

“They were cops, right?”

“Yeah,” JJ said as they approached a dilapidated house. JJ stoped the bike a distance away from the house so it was hidden amongst he foliage.

“You stay here,” JJ looked into Vanessa’s eyes as he spoke. She needed to understand that he was being serious, for once.

“Fine,” Vanessa nodded. “Are you—“

“It’s fine,” JJ finished before she could ask. “Just stay put.”

Vanessa simply nodded again. JJ winked and tipped his cap to her in what he hoped with a reassuringly flirty manner. Keeping things as normal as possible was important to him. JJ strode up to his home as confidently as he could, knowing full well that Vanessa was smart. She could read his body language. At even the slightest hesitation in his stride, she would follow him, because, like him, she was terrifyingly loyal. JJ entered through the screen door and stopped dead in his tracks. He’d seen his dad angry before but nothing, _nothing,_ prepared him for the outright glare of hatred he received upon entering his house.

“Boy,” Luke was learning back again the counter, a bottle of cheap whiskey in hand.

“Dad,” JJ tried to stand taller.

“Got a call today.”

“I didn’t do—“

“They shut our hydro off.”

“Oh,” JJ noticed the distinct lack in lighting around the house. “I left you enough money to co—“

“Do you have _any_ idea and fucking hard it is to keep beer warm, when the god damn fridge doesn’t work?” Luke cut his son off again. His tone of voice was dangerously low.

“I left you enough money,” said JJ. “What did you do with it? It was meant for the bills.”

“Was it now.”

“Yeah, I worked double shifts to—“

“Think you’re all high n’ mighty now don’t you? Think you’re better than you’re old man, huh? Think you can just waltz in here and tell me what to do with what’s owed to me.”

JJ took a step back as his father approached him. He was a meter away, but JJ could smell the alcohol on his breath.

“I’m sorry,” said JJ as he looked up at his father. “I’ll try harder, I’ll—“

“Bullshit!” Luke shouted so loud the walls almost shook. The sheer shift in volume made JJ jump. Luke grabbed JJ by the arm and smashed the bottle of alcohol against the counter with his other hand. “Here’s what we’re gonna do, you little shit!” He shoved JJ against the wall and held him up by his throat. “You’re gonna pay off this hydro bill or else I make your so god damn ugly, ain’t nobody gonna look twice at ya!”

“D—dad!” JJ choked. “Stop… you’re…”

“I’m what?” Luke held the busted bottle against JJ’s face.

JJ saw a collection of black dots floating across his vision. _Damn it_ , he tried to control the situation. It did occur to him, as he fought for consciousness, that his father was going to kill him. This time he’d do it. JJ was trying to kick Luke back when he heard the screen door slam.

“Get your fucking hands off him!” Vanessa launched herself at Luke.

JJ gasped as his father lost his footing and released his hold. “Vanessa,” he fought against the searing pain in his throat. “Get out.”

“Leave him the hell alone, asshole!” Vanessa ignored JJ, who was struggling to stay upright. Luke struggled against the girl for a fraction of a second before swiping the bottle behind him. JJ watched in horror as the bottle hit Vanessa’s arm. Blood seeped though the sleeve of the old flannel shirt he used wear, but Vanessa didn’t seem to notice. She dove towards Luke again and missed the bottle hitting her head by a millimetre.

“Vanessa, don’t!” JJ cried as he grabbed hold of his father’s shirt to pull his back. “Get out! Leave this to me!”

“I’m not leaving you with this piece of shit!”

“Vanessa, _please!”_ JJ pleaded with a kind of desperation he’d never resorted to before. She had to get out. He’d kill her. He’d already hurt her.

“No!” Vanessa grabbed hold of JJ’s backpack as he struggled against his father.

“You think you got your ol’ man out smarted, huh?” Luke got out of JJ’s hold and swung a punch at his face.

“Yeah,” Vanessa held out JJ’s gun against Luke’s head. “Yeah, I think I just did.”

Luke, realizing what was happening, let out a nervous chuckle. “You even know how to use one of those, girl?”

“Do I ever,” Vanessa spat. “Here’s what’s going to happen. We’re going to—“

 _Whack_.

Vanessa jumped as JJ reached behind him and hit his father with a dirty pan. Luke fell to the ground with a thud.

“Cast iron,” JJ panted.

“That always does the trick,” Vanessa lowered the gun. “Get the cash and let’s get outta here.”

JJ stared at Vanessa as she put his gun back in his bag. “I don’t know how much of it he’s still got…” JJ limped to the counter where a few coins and Luke’s wallet lay. “Seventy-five bucks,” he counted the bills in the wallet. “And twenty-five cents.”

“That’s one night in a flee bag motel.”

“Better than nothing,” JJ pocketed the money.

“Where are we gonna do about him?” Vanessa looked down at Luke’s body.

“He’s just passed out. He’ll come to in a couple hours n’ we’ll be long outta here.”

“Okay,” Vanessa nodded and followed JJ out the door. They made it to the bike before JJ spoke again.

“Your arm…” he watched the blood drip down from her fingers.

“No big deal,” Vanessa shrugged it off.

“Let me see.”

“JJ…”

“Please,” JJ’s voice softened. He was pleading again. God, he was scared. He’d almost lost her. He’d almost lost Vanessa and it would have been his fault because it was his shit-show of a life. He moved forward and grasped Vanessa’s arm. She tried to hide a flinch. “Sorry,” JJ whispered. He pulled back the sleeve of his shirt he’d given her and almost vomited. There were shards of glass embedded in her arm and a series of cuts, some so deep, the blood fairly poured from them. A hospital was out of the question. JJ swallowed hard and took off his bandana. It would have to do for now. Vanessa hissed quietly as he bound her arm tightly. “Feel okay?” He put a gently had over her arm.

“Yeah,” Vanessa mumbled. “I’m fine.”

“Don’t ever do that again, okay?”

“Dude, I was just trying to make sure you didn’t die.”

“Well, don’t,” JJ put his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t get in the line of fire ever again. I’m not worth it.”

“Yeah, you are,” Vanessa looked up at him.

“No, I’m not. He could have killed you, Vanessa. Him giving me hell is one thing, but going after you is another.”

“He was ten seconds short of killing you,” Vanessa said quietly.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yeah, I do. Believe me, I do.”

“Just don’t do that ever again,” JJ tried to control his emotions as Vanessa put a hand over top of one of his.

“I can’t make any promises,” She tried to smile. “By the way… just for the record… I’m glad you didn’t die.”

JJ grinned. “Yeah, I’m glad you did’t die either.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehhhh it's been a while, but I'm back!! Sorry for the delay. Life has been CraZy!   
> Anyway, sorry if this chapter is a bit rocky- I didn't edit it practically at all.   
> Let me know your thoughts <3

“Sign says $70 a night,” JJ read out loud.

“I can read,” Vanessa hopped off the bike. “I can get it for fifty. Or for free, if you don’t mind a bit of adventure.”

“I’ll never say no to that,” JJ wiggled his eyebrows with a smirk.

“See that family leaving?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s our chance,” Vanessa handed her backpack over to JJ. “Keep an eye out.”

“Sure,” JJ watched as Vanessa walked up to the family packing up. Eleven o-clock, yep, check out time.

“Hi there,” Vanessa approached the family with a smile. “I hope y’all had a nice stay.”

The father grunted in response. “S’allright,” he muttered.

“I’m just checking up on things for my mom,” said Vanessa. “How long were y’all stayin’?”

“Just last night,” the father replied.

“And what is the last name for our records again?”

The father eyed Vanessa suspiciously for a second, but continued packing up the family car as his children threw things at each other in the back seat. “Jackson,” he muttered.

“Thanks so much! I can take your key from here and get started for the cleaning staff,” Vanessa chirped brightly. JJ watched from his bike, grinning from ear to ear.

“Uh—yeah, sure,” the man hardly looked at Vanessa. He tossed the key to her and got into his car with a huff.

“Thank you, sir! Have a lovely rest of your vacation!” Vanessa smiled. The man gave her a lazy wave and sped out of the motel parking lot.

JJ strode over to where Vanessa stood proudly. “Dude,” he raised an eyebrow. “That was hot.”

“You’re gonna have to do the talkin’.”

“Huh?”

“C’mon,” Vanessa walked into the newly vacated room. “You gotta call the office and get the room for another night. I’d do it, but the guy’s a single dad. Last name’s Jackson and we’re in room seven.”

“Oh!” JJ caught on. “Yeah, sure.”

He made the call (it was easy enough) and smirked at Vanessa as he exercised his talent for voice imitations.

“Not bad, man,” Vanessa flopped down onto the half-made double bed.

“Jesus, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were giving me a compliment.”

“Don’t let it get to your head,” Vanessa propped herself up onto her elbows and hissed. She forgot about her arm.

“Shit,” JJ approached her slowly. “Do you want me to look at that?”

“I’m good.”

“It shouldn’t get infected. I’ve got polysporin and hydrogen peroxide in my backpack.”

Vanessa eyed him suspiciously. “It’s fine.”

“Dude,” JJ sat beside her on the bed. “I get trying to deal with things your own. Believe me, I get it. I don’t do that whole _emotional_ bullshit that everyone else seems to be so into. But this is personal.”

“Why’s that?” Vanessa maneuvered herself beside JJ and stared down at her arm.

“Because my ol’ man did that.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Doesn’t matter. He did it and I need to fix it.”

“You’re not gonna budge on this, are you?” Vanessa looked up at him. Quite frankly, she was too tired to argue anymore.

“Nope,” he grinned.

“Fine,” Vanessa stretched her arm out to him. “Do your worst.”

“John B’s dad used to patch me up sometimes,” JJ explained while unwrapping her arm and fetching his supplies. “I’d show up at the chateau and have all kinds of excuses.”

“Of course,” said Vanessa.

“Anyway, he used to help me out until he died. John B took it real hard.”

“No kidding,” Vanessa grit her teeth as JJ disinfected her wounds. “Shitty deal.”

“Yeah,” JJ said quietly. “He was a shit dad, though, to be honest. I mean, I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead and John B would tell you he was practically a saint, but he wasn’t around nearly enough. John B basically raised himself. He was a good man, though. Took me fishing a lot.”

“I get it,” said Vanessa. “A buddy of mine used to help me out sometimes.”

“Yeah?”

“He’s a good guy.”

“Do you like him?” JJ looked up at her quickly. He didn’t want her to get the wrong idea. It was like he was jealous— at least, not really. At least, he didn’t think he was.

“Sometimes,” Vanessa sighed. “You know how it is. There’s always that one dude who it’s like, you could date them, hook up even, and it wouldn’t be a big deal, but you just kinda dance around each other instead?”

“Yeah,” JJ nodded in understanding. Boy, did he understand.

“But it wouldn’t work. We’re better off as friends. Besides, he’s a couple hundred miles away now so…”

“Why didn’t he come with you?”

“I told him not to.”

“Oh.”

“He has a girlfriend anyway,” Vanessa clenched her jaw as JJ wrapped her arm again.

“Almost done,” he inspected his work quickly.

“Fuck, it’s not like I’m the kind of girl guys have crushes on anyway. It’s not like he liked me back.”

JJ put his hands down and looked up at Vanessa. “What are you talking about?”

“I mean, I don’t look like Kie, do I? Or Ryan’s girlfriend or any of those other girls y’all hook up with all the time.”

“Whatever. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you,” JJ let his legs dangle over the edge of the bed. He never knew what to do about female insecurity. And it was surprising in someone as tough and cool as Vanessa. Maybe it was all a front though. Maybe behind all that toughness, there was an insecure teenage girl.

“Sure.”

“Hey,” JJ reached into his backpack again. “Wanna split a joint?”

“Awe sure, twist my arm,” Vanessa grinned.

“Sweet,” JJ flipped out his lighter and flashes her a grin of his own. He handed the lit joint to her.

“So,” Vanessa took a drag. “You like her, right?”

“Who?”

“Don’t play dumb with me.”

“Seriously, Vanessa,” JJ lay down on the bed and looked up at her.

“Kie.”

“What about her?”

Vanessa rolled her eyes and lay down next to him. “You obviously have the hots for her.”

“‘Course I do, she’s hot,” JJ glanced over at Vanessa and winced at his choice of words. “I mean, she’s good looking. I don’t know if I _like_ her though.”

“Whatever you say, bro,” said Vanessa.

“What, do you have a thing for her or something?” JJ smacked her arm playfully. Vanessa flinched. “Sorry,” JJ pulled his arm back. “I should know better.”

“Dude, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not.”

“It’s fine,” Vanessa kept her eyes fixed on the ceiling.

“Vanessa?”

“What?”

“I get it,” JJ looked at her in the hopes that she’d look back at him. “I don’t get everything, ‘cause obviously I don’t know everything, but…” His voice trailed off as Vanessa turned her head to slowly face him.

“Thanks,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry I’m being secretive and stuff.”

“You’re not,” said JJ. “Like I said, I get it. I get wanting to keep this…stuff…to yourself.”

“Yeah,” Vanessa handed the joint back to JJ.

“But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t listen. Or care. If you— ya know— needed someone.”

Vanessa blinked rapidly. No. Now was _not_ the time to cry. “Okay,” the girl turned her focus back to the ceiling.

“Hey…” JJ noticed a single tear running down the side of her face. “Vanessa it’s okay. It’s—“

“No!” Vanessa swiped the tear away angrily. “No, it’s not okay! None of this is okay!” She sat up quickly and buried her face in her hands.

“Vanessa,” JJ said her name softly. He followed her to the edge of the bed and waited. “Do mind it I…?” He held on his arm slowly.

Vanessa glanced at him quickly and shrugged. Playing indifferent was easy. “Whatever,” she mumbled back into her hands.

“What I mean is, it’s okay to not be okay. I mean it, I get it. I get trying to keep it all in,” JJ wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He could feel her shaking. She wasn’t crying. He knew the signs all too well. She was trying _not_ to cry. He could literally feel her body fighting against it.

“I’m good,” her voice cracked slightly.

“Here,” JJ handed her the last of his joint. “Finish it.”

“It’s yours.”

“Sharing is caring,” JJ grinned.

Vanessa leaned into his embrace ever so slightly and dropped her hands. Slowly, she took the joint from him. “Thanks,” she managed.

“No problem,” JJ took the finished joint from her and put it in the nearby ashtray.

“I’m sorry,” Vanessa mumbled. She allowed herself to relax further against JJ so her head was on his shoulder.

“Don’t apologize,” JJ said into her hair. “And hey, for what it’s worth, I think you’re pretty fucking awesome.”

“Thanks.”

“And—uh—“ JJ found himself stumbling over his words. Man, he _never_ had trouble talking to girls. Why was this any different?

“Cut the crap, JJ,” Vanessa smirked up at him.

“Jesus, I’m trying to pay you a compliment,” JJ gave her shoulders a slight squeeze. “You should sleep.”

“It’s not even noon.”

“You’re exhausted,” JJ stated. “Anyway, I have a book to read. Some random hottie recommended it to me the other day.”

“Seriously?” Vanessa shrugged out of JJ’s embrace and lay down.

“I’m serious,” JJ smiled as he retrieved her copy of The Outsiders from his backpack.

“You’re gonna love it.”

“You forget that I don’t ever read,” said JJ. He watched as Vanessa chuckled and closed her eyes. Yeah, there was something different about her. Something he’d never experienced before. Girls never made him nervous, but she did, and it scared the shit out of him.


End file.
